to my son on his last day of middle school ever: 10 things i wish i knew going into high school

Dear Austin,

I just adore you. You have such a sweet, funny spirit. You are like Velcro. You attract people to you. Thirty seconds after arriving at a playground you had buddies. You have a curiosity and imagination that is both unpredictable and inspiring. 

I remember you putting together 100 piece puzzles at age 4, I recall intricate, firing paper rifles you made at not much older than that and how you knew (and still know) the lyrics to every song and could teach yourself to play them on the piano within minutes. I will never forget when you took apart your first (of many) Nerf guns in 4th grade to re-engineer it to shoot further and faster. I realized time and time again that your creative brain knows no bounds. 

Your wiring to always wonder how to make something better and to bring as much joy to every moment is exactly what makes me write to you today. As you may remember, about a year ago you asked about getting baptized, then a few months ago you said that maybe, just like several of your good friends, you were going to be an Atheist. More recently, you said that you are a "Christian" but you "sometimes don't see church as necessary". 

You may not know that I'm sure I didn't really "get" church at your age either. 

You may not know that I wasn't excited to wake up for church on Sunday mornings.

You may not know that I only remember praying once in high school (before my first track meet).

You may not know that I was way more excited about meeting and getting to know hot guys through youth group than I was about meeting up with Jesus to get to know Him.

You may not know that I was a youth group "leader" who was never asked once if I read my Bible, encouraged to do so, or asked whether I had any intention to live what it said out in my life. 

(My Basic Equation went: Going to church+Being a "good person"= Being a Christian).

You may not know that I don't remember a single sermon before age 18 and I was in church every week (no kids program during church services in those days, buttercup)!

You may not know that I remember what it felt like to hear adults or pastors talk about God and only hear the Charlie Brown cartoon adult voice of "Wah Wah wahwah.."

You may not know that I remember sitting in school hearing things taught and wondering what was closer to the truth-the Bible, my textbooks or my friends?!

You may not know that I remember being 14 very well. Ahh..1993. (Shhhhh...)

But, if you would, allow me to share with you a few things I so wish I knew going into high school. A few things I would definitely tell my younger self if I had a time machine or trustworthy time traveling portal of my very own..

1) Don't dwell on what matters to the crowd. What's in style or out. Cool or not. Who is going out with whom. Who did what last weekend. Gossip (talking about other people's business or drama that doesn't involve you) and slander (talking bad about people) is done constantly because people are so deeply insecure about themselves. Be above that. Speak to build people up not tear them down.

2) Volunteer and be a helper! In class, in school clubs or sports, for types of companies outside school that you think you might want to work for someday. Be a fly on the wall with your ears set to listen and be a sponge that soaks up knowledge. When you know better, you do better. Choosing your path after high school may get a little clearer that way and you will be happy you invested your time!

3) Girls. Girls crave attention from boys. For many, it's like a drug (or addiction) to them (it was for me)-they can't get enough of it and they sometimes will do anything for it. The words they say, the clothes they wear-Austin you will have to be on guard. We didn't have Facebook, texting or the Internet; but you do, so you will have to learn to navigate those. I think you know better than to text a naked picture of yourself, go to a Porn website or put personal information up on the Internet, but your peers may not - so be careful who you surround yourself with. These are things that seem like no big deal at first, but can lead to dark, ugly places where it isn't easy to get out of. 

4) Dating. When you consider dating, consider taking all of that very slow. (You will never ever regret that) Consider that dating in high school almost never leads to marriage, so treat those girls like a gentleman knowing that they are not (and probably never will be) your wife. Also, consider that God created sex to be an intermingling of souls as two people (already bonded in marriage) become one. It is a spiritual, sacred, special, beautiful, big deal kind of thing that the world around you will try to convince you is absolutely no big deal, only a physical act, and fine when you love someone. Don't believe that lie.

5) Pray and carve out "Quiet Time" often. I hope this isn't news to you, but God isn't about rules and making sure you don't have any fun. I'm pretty sure that is what I thought at your age and I was wrong. Oh, baby boy, he is soooo much more! Every child brought up going to church has to get to a point where their faith goes from being Mom and Dad's to being their own.  How does that happen? One way is when you begin talking more to Jesus and learning to listen too. Shut off the electronics for a little while. What's going on with you? Fears? Concerns? Things that excite you. Are you angry with Him? Are there things you want to thank him for? Share it all. He is not an emergency 911 operator waiting for your "Oh crap" prayers nor a genie in a bottle waiting for your 3 wishes - so don't treat him like one. Prayer is an ongoing conversation that God uses to tether (remember tetherball?!) your heart and His together.

Instead of hearing what is said about the Bible (Hint: Your peers, movies and TV have a lot to say even when you don't notice it), dig into it yourself! Inhale it, wrestle with it, learn from it. There are few things that will matter more in you becoming the man God created you to be. Knowing who Jesus is, but not knowing what it looks like to actually know and trust Him, will have little to no impact on your life, but taking Him up on His invitation into a life of true, lasting satisfaction and freedom and thinking on the great lengths He went to save you...well, it is something worth your time to consider. Pursue Him as He pursues you!

6) Celebrate and recognize your individuality (the uniqueness of being YOU). Applaud others for theirs. Be a friend to everyone whatever level of cool they are. Stick up for people. Go out of your way to be generous and kind to other students and teachers. Mean people usually need love the most. It's one of those cliches that is actually true. You have no idea what people are going through or what their home life is like. If people are different than you, learn from them. Remember that loving someone for who they are isn't the same as approving of all their choices. It's a good ability to learn to respectfully disagree and communicate that your door is always open to talk to. Be a good listener. 

7) Grades matter, but not why you think they do. Getting higher grades like As and Bs do matter to get you accepted into colleges and keep you ungrounded; but more so, they indicate that you understood a good amount of what was taught. Knowledge is powerful and can open good doors in life.  Take some tough classes, they're often the most rewarding (AP European History was mine)! Also, it is truly not that hard to keep grades up. Stay organized and develop good study habits. Get projects and papers done early when you can. Develop a respectful relationship with your teachers. Pretend they are Nana (a high school teacher for many years) and know that they need and deserve kindness and appreciation too. Teaching is a hard and often thankless job!!

8) Don't miss the forest for the trees. Some people as adults still say that high school were the best years of their lives. Reject that. Many "cool kids" in high school leave it to be nothing special and live life longing for the false esteem they once got in school. Enjoy these years. Learn and discover. Grow and mature, but know that this a step along the way in a life of many great life experiences. 

Everything that happens in your teens can seem like the end of the world, but it isn't. You'll make it through! This is also true if high school is a really difficult experience as well. These years will pass by, make the best of them and know there is SO much more ahead!!

9) God gives the best advice. Bring it all to God first because he knows best! Yep, better than me or Daddy. Better than Google, YOUTUBE, or your current best friend or girlfriend. Spending time developing a relationship with Him will be the single most important thing you do in your life. I do hope you go to a good school, get a good job and wind up happy and successful in life and love, but my bigger dream than that is watching you grow closer to Jesus. Like real, solid growth with roots down that nothing can pull you away from no matter what you go through. I would love nothing more than to watch you find a job that you love doing and feel the joy of watching you live out who God made you to be. Yes, God will always bring you bigger and better places than concentrating solely on making money or being a "success" by our culture's standards.

Reject the American Dream and dream bigger. It isn't as much about acting like you have it all together or all figured out as it is about being a humble, kind and generous person who knows that he doesn't and he needs the Lord (and isn't afraid to tell people that)! Leaning on your faith in your hard times, owning your mistakes and failures, and how you react to them all, in general, will often wind up the biggest opportunity for others to see God in you.

10) Drugs and alcohol will not lead you where you want to go. I was around a lot of people who got to a point quickly in high school where they could only let loose and have fun if they were drinking. They could only laugh, dance, and have deep conversations if they were drunk or high. It seems so innocent and so fun in your teens. It's everywhere and quickly seems like it is what "everyone" is talking about. Other than it being illegal and sometimes dangerous (because stupid choices inspire more stupid choices), it is something there will be plenty of time to enjoy and check out later. You also need to be careful with it because when there is a history of alcoholism in your family, as there is in ours, you may have a harder time having a healthy relationship with drinking as you grow up.   

I am sure we will have many conversations around these topics and I look forward to them. I am so proud of you. I think you're great and I love having a front row seat in your life. Thank you for being you. Your constant "I love you(s)" make my mommy heart full! My heart, my arms, my ears and my door are always open to you when you want to talk.

Love you buddy,

Mom